Messiah's Kiss "Dragonheart" (SPV)
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Friday. Mar 16, 1:19 PM
The question remains: what’s better, the ass or the music?

Described as “true metal” by their label, Messiah’s Kiss should satisfy the cravings of all those stuck in melodic classic power motherfucking metal. You know, the kind where singers can bellow like demigods, elongating syllables like their lives depended on them, and whose songs sound like national anthems for modern societies or beer clubs in Germany. Pyrotechnic guitars shoot out in all directions and, truth be told, guitar-wise this stuff is awe-inspiring. The bass is usually paused and played by a guy with a mullet or a mustache. The drummer is almost guaranteed to have a few pairs of Reebok high tops to keep his ankles in place with all that tireless double bass drumming. To each his own, and just because I find some of this to be cringe-inducing doesn’t mean I am right. After all, there is plenty to admire of Messiah’s Kiss: I mean they know about melodies, hooks, and catchiness; about memorable songs and classic metal with a touch of adult oriented rock. Personally, I think the best thing about Dragonheart is the ass of the chick on the cover. I know it’s only a drawing – and not a very good one at that – but that derriere is perfectly curvy and here are three things I can tell about the chick who owns it: she sure likes to eat. With those curves, one thing is for sure, she ain’t no bulimic. Second, she ain’t afraid of snakes, because she is surrounded by them and yet is walking up the stairs naked, exposing her breasts (which I am sure are big and round like wonderful melons) to a violent bite. And third, she must be suffering some kind of mental disease where she is actually attracted to stone sculptures that resemble (badly) either Dr. Doom or Skeletor.

Ahem, I have much respect for classic heavy metal. Indeed, I have a lot of respect for bands that opt for retreading through stagnant waters. Now, depending on where you stand, that may be hip or not. One thing is for sure, though: Messiah’s Kiss have enough talent (read: craft tons of saccharine metal) to become superstars in Germany and Greece, where bands like Manowar are considered freaking geniuses with an unfortunate eye for fashion.
www.messiahskiss.com
www.spvusa.com

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Hansel Merchor

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