"Unexpected Dreams: Songs From the Stars" (Rhino)
By Kyle Wagner
Friday. Jun 02, 12:03 AM
What celebrities create when they’re bored and delusional.

Jennifer Garner, Eric McCormack, Teri Hatcher, Lucy Lawless, JOHN FUCKING STAMOS. Yes, those people really do contribute songs to this album, which is a collection of lullabies sung by actors accompanied by musicians from the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Despite seeing those names, and in the interest of reviewer objectivity, I promised myself that I would give Unexpected Dreams: Songs from the Stars a fair shake and not just dismiss it from the beginning. I mean, some actors can sing, so it can’t be all bad, right? At the very least, maybe Scarlett Johansson would provide a sultry, sexy rendition of a classic to at least put me in the mood for something other than sleeping or vomiting, right? Apparently that is too much to expect. Imagine if Andrew Lloyd Weber decided to create a musical entirely of lullabies, then cast some TV actors in all the lead roles without auditioning them to see if they could actually sing, then hired Josh Groban as the vocal coach after realizing how poorly everyone sounded – but somehow, in a bizarre twist, the only thing the actors took away from the lessons was the overwhelming need to employ an absurd amount of vibrato at the end of every vocal line. Oh, what a mess.

They start you off with the only two tracks that even come close to being palatable, as if in a conscious effort to trick you into thinking that what follows won’t be so bad. Scarlett Johansson provides an uninteresting but tolerable version of “Summertime” (though she does sound like she’s 12 years old), and Ewan McGregor manages to make “The Sweetest Gift” sound like it could have been in Moulin Rouge (which, I’m not ashamed to say, is a movie that I actually enjoyed). Maybe these tracks are only inoffensive because neither actor drowns the song in vibrato. That can’t be said for most of the songs that follow. Listen to the performances by Lucy Lawless, Jennifer Garner, Marissa Jaret Winokur (who easily delivers the worst performance of all, coming across as if she’s auditioning for Annie), and Victor Garber, and you will probably get a headache from all of the unnecessary warble. Music teachers should start educating kids at a very young age that vibrato, just like every other vocal styling, should be used in moderation. Instead, people grow up thinking that good singing is just a mess of runs and vocal tremulousness. Yes, Nina Simone employed both techniques, but she knew when to use them: and that makes all the difference in the world.

Most of the actors sound like they are performing on stage rather than just singing. They’re acting, which may work for musical theatre, but for a strictly “studio” album it just comes across as overly dramatic, painfully affected, and completely unnecessary. Maybe this would work if you had visuals to distract you from the less-than-stellar vocal performances. Actually, let’s be honest, that wouldn’t help either. This album really is a mess with no redeeming value. It seems like just another Hollywood ego project that actors get involved with because they can, not because it has the potential to be good or contributes anything to music. There is no discernable reason for this album to be released.

I can just imagine the musicians from the Los Angeles Philharmonic being painfully embarrassed during these recording sessions as they remember all the incredible singers they have worked with in the past. Then again, maybe it just goes with the territory when you are a member of the largest orchestra in what may be the most bizarre city in America. Obligations like this are probably in their contract. It’s like lawyers doing pro bono work. I wouldn’t be surprised if Songs from the Stars becomes a series, the second installment of which could consist of actors performing political folk songs from the ‘60s with part of the profits going to a foundation headed by Martin Sheen or Jane Fonda. That just may be the only thing that could result in an album worse than this one.
www.rhino.com

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Kyle Wagner

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