Half-Handed Cloud "Halos & Lassos" (Asthmatic Kitty)
By Trey Perkins
Friday. Mar 03, 12:47 AM
Casiotone + beat box + Psalms / awkward sounding indie geek rock = my personal Hell.

For anyone who’s been waiting for Rod and Todd Flanders from The Simpsons to launch a career in indie rock, Half-Handed Cloud’s 19-song full length Halos & Lassos may just be the record you’ve been waiting for. Half-Handed Cloud, or John Ringhofer, is a multi-instrumentalist who is bent on spicing up emotional indie rock and folk with a dash of religious piety. He writes about unrequited love, but his love is more metaphysical. That’s right: part of Half-Handed Cloud’s appeal, or identity, is found in Ringhofer’s faith. He sings like an innocent choirboy, totally awed and in reverence for his Lord, the almighty God. Not only that, but he plays and arranges pretty much all of the instrumentation himself: a true testament of his faith. Ringhofer is better known for his contribution as a trombone player to Sufjan Stevens’ Illinois, but Half-Handed Cloud is his project. That’s right... a 19 song “praise-the-Lord” Jesusfest, encased in Casiotones, beat boxes, 8-bit synths, acoustic guitars, and various other paraphernalia. It is a love letter to the Lord himself. As his bio asks us: “is there anything so romantic as a crush on the Lord?”

The music is well arranged, and fans of Sufjan Stevens might find much of the material to be enjoyable. Hell, it might even bring a smile to the faces of many. My own personal inclination finds me saying “well, Sufjan is weird in a good way… Ringhofer is weird in a bad way.” My general problem with music, artists, and musicians who make a religious appeal to listeners is that I find it to be a front: a ploy. Politicians and snake oil salesman alike have used it to dupe people into voting for them and buying into their mindless platitudes, and now it’s seeping into indie rock. I want to make a distinction here: there is nothing wrong with personal worship, but to use it as a front cheapens the very practice and intensity of a said devotion. With Ringhofer, I’m unsure if it’s a ploy or not… but even if it’s not, it’s pretty damned heavy handed. The whole god “thing” on this album seems contrived and crammed down our throats with a plunger. I’m not saying it’s impossible to write glorious religious music. Johnny Cash wrote a ton of religious songs, but that wasn’t the only appeal to his music. Religion is all over this album: from the cover’s Henry Dahrger-esque illustrations (which features little kids with halos), the bio, to the very lyrics of almost each and every song. The music can’t exist without religion: it’s didactically imposed on the listener. As if someone woke up and decided “the indie rock world doesn’t have a pious religious singer/songwriter… OMFG, let’s do this because it’s so different!!1!” Whether or not Ringhofer’s piety will turn off listeners who don’t share his devotion will remain to be seen. Perhaps this is just my rampant atheism speaking, but lyrics like “this world is still the Lord’s / the Devil’s just a squatter” alienate me to no end. Halos & Lassos isn’t Half-Handed Cloud’s first album, and many who have reviewed his previous work have noted the religious undertones existent in his compositions. Despite the preaching, many critics stated that a few tracks set the whole “God” schtick aside for purely delightful indie rock. Such is not the case with Halos & Lassos, as lyrics about the Lord doing stuff permeate every track.

Ringhofer’s voice sounds like that kid on the playground who happily wears a Care Bears shirt and professes his love of My Little Pony. You know the type I’m talking about. In fact, you probably punched him in the gut. His skills as an arranger has often been compared to the likes of Frank Zappa. If so, as a Zappa fan, I’d have to say that Frank is spinning in his grave, not simply because Zappa was devoutly anti-religious, but because it’s also a superficial comparison made by lazy individuals. I am in no way denying Ringhofer’s talent as a composer, songsmith, and arranger. The music is an enjoyable 29 minute listen: full of bright, chipper energy. Okay, the comparison is valid if AND ONLY IF one refers to Frank’s first few albums, namely Freak Out and We’re Only in it For the Money. On both albums, the songs are much like Halos & Lassos: overly giddy, and sounding as if they were written by someone with a sub-mongoloid intelligence (Zappa’s own words, not mine: see his autobiography). But Half-Handed Cloud’s songs are too short: by the time you get into one, it’s already over, and Ringhofer is off, quoting another psalm. When the tracks change abruptly, I’m left with nothing to hang onto. No memorable hook. Here’s a tip, if you want people to like your music, give them time to get into it; give them something that will get stuck in their heads. Don’t try to cram too many sentences and refrains with Bible-tinged-platitudes. They weigh your lyrics and melodies down.

Then there is Ringhofer’s own geeky persona (which, again, seems like a complete contrivance). I feel like I’m listening to an awkward moment in a Wes Anderson movie where Bill Murray farts in a public library while Owen Wilson reads War and Peace. Meanwhile, Jason Schwarzmann is playing hockey with the girl of his dreams and Half-Handed Cloud plays a xylophone piece over top of a Casiotone beat. I was comforted by the fact that the average track time for Halos & Lassos is 1:55. As an aside, Ringhofer, if you’re reading this, I saw on the “news” section of your website that you were watching Andrei Tarkovsky’s Andrei Rubelev. That’s one of my favorites. If you aren’t writhing in absolute hatred because of what I’ve said about your music, drop me a line about it, because it’s a fantastic film.
www.halfhandedcloud.com
www.asthmatickitty.com

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Trey Perkins

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